In her novel Sarah’s Key Tatiana De Rosnay tells the horrific story of the Vel’ d’Hiv Roundup on July 16, 1942 in Paris. 13,152 Jews were arrested by the French police and taken to the Drancy prison camp in the suburbs of Paris or detained without food, water, or sanitary facilities in the Vélodrome d’Hiver before being shipped to Auschwitz for extermination. 4,051 of the victims were children.
Near the end of Sarah’s Key the narrator’s sister-in-law sums up the central question of the book when she says,
Bringing back the past is never a good idea, especially whatever happened during the war. No one wants to be reminded of that, nobody wants to think about that.
Is it better to remember the horrors of the past, or to keep secret the dark hidden suffering that lurks in the shadows of history?
Perhaps the answer seems self-evident. How could we ever benefit from hiding painful realities we know took place?
But the answer seems to have been less obvious to previous generations. We who have who have mostly avoided the worst agonies of war assume easily that telling the whole truth is always better. Those who lived with the terrible memories we now want them to share, made different choices. For them, silence seemed to be the more courageous root.
Many of those who lived through the terrible years of violence in Europe in the 1930′s and ’40′s, chose to keep their secrets. They made this choice, perhaps in the hope that the memories would fade if they refused to talk about them. Perhaps they kept silent hoping to spare those who had not experienced these things directly from having to share their inexpressible pain. Or, those who kept secrets may simply have known that any telling of their story could never fully express the horror they had encountered. Some stories simply cannot be adequately expressed.
Sarah’s Key clearly decides in favour of telling the truth as fully and as honestly as possible. De Rosnay does not duck the terrible implications of her French ancestors’ complicity in the Holocaust of French Jews. She faces the ugly past of French involvement. She is not alone in believing this story must be remembered.
In her novel, De Rosnay quotes the courageous speech given by newly elected French President Jacques Chirac, who said at the sixtieth anniversary of the Vel’ d’Hiv Roundup in 2002,
Sixty years ago, right here, in Paris, but also throughout France, the appalling tragedy began to take place. The march toward horror was speeding up. Already, the Shoah’s shadow darkened the innocent people herded into the Velodrome d’Hiver. This year, like every hear, we are gathered together in this place to remember. So as to forget nothing of the persecutions, the hunting down, and shattered destiny of so many French Jews.
Yes, Vel’ d’Hiv, Drancy, and all the transit camps, those ante-chambers of death, were organized, run, and guarded by Frenchmen. Yes, the first act of the Shoah took place right her, with the complicity of the French State.
It takes courage to acknowledge past guilt with such boldness. There are deep fears that lie at the heart of the determination to keep hidden the dark shadows of the past that never entirely dissipate when ignored.
The problem with secrets is that they reinforce the unconscious conviction that the pain we feel we must hide is too great for us to bear. The compelling power of denial is the belief that we will be annihilated by the shame, confusion, doubt, and fear generated by our pain.
De Rosnay’s novel ends with two characters whose pain has brought them to the place where words run out. They sit together in a coffee shop having shared the deepest pain of their lives. In a paragraph that contains one word, De Rosnay describes the place to which these two characters have come. At the bottom of the second to last page of the book, she writes,
Silence
It is essential to give voice to our pain. We must speak of our memories, bring them out into the open. We must have the courage to allow our pain to be seen. But there comes a point at which words are no longer adequate.
Words cannot express the depths of our pain. When we have exhausted all our words, we come finally to sit in silence.
Having allowed the work of remembering to do its job, we need to move finally to the place of letting go. We give up trying to explain, struggling to make sense. We surrender our determination to fix the world. It becomes possible simply to sit with the unfinished business of life. It just is what it is. This is what happened. It does not define us, control us, or paralyze us any longer. There is a greater, stronger, more stable reality unfolding at the centre of our being. This is the place of freedom for which we long.

11 comments
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January 21, 2011 at 10:42 am
Harry Eerkes
My father, like many war survivors was not able to tell some of his stories until nearly at the end of his life, in part, I suspect because, as you say,
“Words cannot express the depths of our pain.When we have exhausted all our words, we come finally to sit in silence.”
However, I am not very comfortable with the notion that we must then stay in the silence. Although he could not tell the stories, my father was always involved in some sort of activity that came out of his experiences – he used them to reach out to others.
Yes, we cannot explain and we cannot fix the world, and it is good to let that go, that and all the unfinished business of life … and my silence may lead to wisdom and wholeness.
But if out of that silence I am not lead to a compassionate, a just or a prophetic action of some sort, might it that the silence has become a anarcisistic security blanket? [the shadow side of silence...?]
I wonder if the idea of being the hands and feet and voice and eyes and ears of Christ in the world has any validity, might that not push us, after entering the silence, to take the next step of compassionate action, in quietness of heart, however tiny it might be?
Harry
January 22, 2011 at 12:30 am
jaqueline
Silence, if it is meant to push away secrets and push down pain is not a form of healing, but a form of coping.
January 22, 2011 at 3:21 pm
inaspaciousplace
I think the key is to trust the silence. Silence that is entered into as holy surrender will always provide guidance towards living in deeper love with all of life.
January 22, 2011 at 12:25 am
Lindsay
“Words cannot express the depths of our pain.When we have exhausted all our words, we come finally to sit in silence.”
“However, I am not very comfortable with the notion that we must then stay in the silence”
Harry, it seems to me the thing with silence is there are a few different kinds of silence … For example, there’s the silence which comes after we have exhausted all our words, and still been unable to adequately express what is in our hearts, like Christopher mentioned. There’s also the silence that comes after … or in the middle of a storm … when we may need to take refuge or take stock for a bit, or recharge our batteries … There’s the silence that comes from witnessing something horrible that happened to someone else … where we don’t feel we have the right or ability to adequately do justice to someone else’s story …There’s the silence we choose when we know instinctively or from experience that talking will cause someone we care about or ourselves further hurt ….
The kind of silence I like is the silence that comes at the end of the day, or the end of the week, or even after years of effort … that says I did as much as I could ask of myself or anyone … or anyone could ask of me … … for better or worse I lived the life I have, as best as I could, given all my own unique quirks and the uniquely quirky people and circumstances I encountered along the way … It’s when we turn down the lights …. sit back in our chair … feet up … and let the events of the day simply flow … knowing that tomorrow will come and we’ll start all over again … or not … but at this moment life is going along as it ought …. and we gave it our best shot ….
The best way explanation is in this song by Tom Waits http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2IhqYu8RRlk … when you dim down the lights … and close your eyes. It’s called “Closing Time” …
January 22, 2011 at 12:32 am
jaqueline
love this Lindsay
( Harry…I really did think i was making my own comment. Instead it came up as a reply to yours…)
January 22, 2011 at 3:21 pm
inaspaciousplace
this is lovely Lindsay
January 23, 2011 at 11:49 am
nancy (aka moneycoach)
I was in Buenos Aires in the mid-nineties on a 2 week business trip and in my happy North American obliviousness hadn’t known a *thing* about the Disappearances. I still remember the dinner in a restaurant when someone told me about it. I was dumbstruck. He made the observation that Argentina, in contrast to Chile, opted for silence in the aftermath. He then posited that the reason Chile had moved forward economically compared to Argentina was directly related to silence/talking about it. He believed it freed the national Chilean psyche to move forward compared to Argentina’s psyche.
I wonder if any theses have been written on this?
January 24, 2011 at 7:42 am
brad fallon
It is very hard to keep a secret, we must share it especially if it was a tragic experience or something else that would hinder our ability to interact with others. To enjoy the silence is almost like being selfish.
January 25, 2011 at 2:19 pm
Rob
Now if I had been an English Teacher giving am assignment , you would have all passed with honours except for Christopher as he is an author. In his case he would have been assigned a handicap of minus xn points.
As you can tell , English was not my best subject in prose but we ove forward.
For me I have silence on some events of my life either due to I have elected to move forward and grown to as Harry says contribute to something or feel comfort in my heart per Christopher that is fine, leave it.
Sharing an event with like others can benefit all of us for the future so we should not hide all but only we can be guided at the right time.
Lindsay,,, lovely
January 26, 2011 at 11:55 pm
Brad Fallon
I believe there are secrets that are best hidden. When those secrets bring back bad feelings. When they are better left unsaid.
Brad Fallon
January 27, 2011 at 8:09 am
Lindsay
Hi Brad,
“I believe there are secrets that are best hidden. When those secrets bring back bad feelings. When they are better left unsaid.”
I’m thinking about what you wrote and also about what Christopher wrote …
“The problem with secrets is that they reinforce the unconscious conviction that the pain we feel we must hide is too great for us to bear. The compelling power of denial is the belief that we will be annihilated by the shame, confusion, doubt, and fear generated by our pain. ”
Perhaps, if we don’t talk about it , those bad feelings will come out in other ways… and in the end, still consume us and through us, those around us, causing everybody around us, not just ourselves more confusion.
It seems that some secrets need to be told so, through our shared experience, we can understand and come to terms with what it is …
It seems that it is through talking about our experience, that we learn that our experience is not so unique, that there are many others who have a similar experience, who perhaps are also struggling to come to terms with their own unique but similar circumstances…. and there is some comfort in that realization.
I’m wondering whether it is not so much a question of whether we talk about our secrets, but perhaps more a question of when we talk, who we tell, and how we tell …. ?