In the manner of his death, Jesus embodied the dark path of descent that is the central metaphor of Christian faith.
Matthew portrays the journey of loneliness and loss that Jesus endured on the cross in the most stark terms.
From noon on, darkness came over the whole land until three in the afternoon. And about three o’clock Jesus cried with a loud voice, ‘Eli, Eli, lema sabachthani?’ that is, ‘My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?’ (Matthew 27:45,46)
Jesus experienced absolute abandonment. To his senses, all was lost. He stepped into the abyss of darkness and loss. He went to that place where
he had no form or majesty that we should look at him,
nothing in his appearance that we should desire him.
He was despised and rejected by others;
a man of suffering and acquainted with infirmity;
and as one from whom others hide their faces
he was despised, and we held him of no account.(Isaiah 53:2b,3)
This is the place of transformation. As Jesus chose to hold himself in that sense of abandonment, the universe began to shift. He moved through the darkness and emerged in the light. Death could not hold Jesus, not because he beat it back with his illusory identity project, but because he held himself in its grip.
According to Carol Lee Flinders in her book, Enduring Grace Living Portraits of Seven Women Mystics, the great Christian mystic Therese of Lisieux experienced this path of descent at the centre of her spiritual journey.
Before her profession, her “wedding” with Christ, she had written to Pauline, “Before our departure my Bridegroom asked me to what land I wished to travel and which path I preferred to take.”
“The mountain of love,” she replied, but he could choose the way.
And our Lord took me by the hand and made me enter a subterranean way where it is neither cold nor warm, where the sun does not shine and where rain and wind may not enter; a tunnel where I see nothing but a half veiled glow from the downcast eyes in the face of my spouse . . . I gladly consent to spend my entire life in this underground darkness to which he has led me; my only wish is that my gloom will bring light to sinners.
(Flinders , Carol Lee. Enduring Grace Living Portraits of Seven Women Mystics. SanFrancisco: Harper, 1993. p. 217)
The way up “the mountain of love” lies along the “subterranean way where it is neither cold nor warm, where the sun does not shine and where rain and wind may not enter.” But, all along the way it is possible to see “a half veiled glow from the downcast eyes in the face of my spouse.” The challenge is to keep from becoming insensitive to this “half veiled glow.”
When I resent the dark “subterranean way” and demand the bright lights of sensory gratification, I grow numb to the subtle presence of love. When I refuse to embrace the reality of loneliness, I lose touch with the accompanying faithfulness of that love that flows in the stream of my tears.
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April 21, 2012 at 7:37 am
Gillian F
Yes. That’s the journey.
nothing to add to that. – just – ‘thank you.’
April 21, 2012 at 1:33 pm
lindsay
After reading Loneliness Part 1, (… it was good to see there was likely going to be a Loneliness Part 2
), I found myself pondering the difference between separateness, solitude and loneliness, and then realizing how surprisingly similar loneliness and boredom can feel and how easily it might be to confuse the two. Now reading part 2, I’m realizing there’s another aspect to loneliness I’d forgotten about, a feeling of abandonment, first by other people we care about and then, which I think is probably the hardest, a feeling of being abandoned by God. It seems there are different kinds of loneliness and it’s good to explore the differences a bit more …
This might end up being a bit of a longer comment, but I don’t know how to describe it using fewer words …
Separateness: The realization that no matter how hard I try, no matter how many words I throw at trying to explain, there are things I just can’t explain in a way that someone else can fully hear and understand. Part of this is that I don’t have the words or even understanding myself to formulate and part of this is the person with whom, I’m attempting to communicate, we simply don’t have the exact same experience or perspective of the world. So, it becomes a rare gift when there is a spark of recognition in what someone else is saying … as in “yes, oh, yes, … that’s it – that’s what I’ve sensed but been struggling to say, to frame in a way that might make sense ” … or when the light bulb goes off and ‘Wow, I never thought of it quite that way before – this makes a bit more sense now … I wonder how this fits everything else I’ve come to some or other conclusion about … ?’.
Solitude: A happy place, a companion and a refuge when the noise and pressures of the external world get too much … it’s having the time to relax and reconnect with the important layers … to find that balance which often gets disturbed … to have the time to see what often goes unnoticed in the busy rush of living and interacting at a faster pace …
Loneliness: A necessary desire to connect with other humans on a very fundamental level … Too much time alone can start to cause “cabin fever” too, when you find yourself talking to yourself aloud just to hear the sound of a voice, and when there’s no other person around or pet dog around to blame
I don’t often feel lonely, but a couple of weeks ago it happened … it was a strange feeling … this almost primal desire to connect with another person, an intense ache very similar to a sharp physical pain like a stomach cramp or something. It wasn’t at all pleasant and I realized how easy and dangerous it would be to give over everything to alleviate the pain, even if just for a moment … how a feeling like this might drive a person to do something, anything, even something desperate and destructive just to connect in some way with another person.
Boredom: The feeling of loneliness didn’t last long, but it was intense … and reminded me of another time when I was enjoying my time alone and then suddenly felt a similar sort of intense primal need to have something be different … the physical pain-like feeling was very similar, but also different … rather than feeling a need to connect with a person, it was a feeling of wanting to be doing something different. I think it is possible to feel this boredom, even in the company of friends, albeit it maybe not quite as intense as a physical pain … maybe just more like a physical need to stretch and move around a bit …
So, I’m wondering, perhaps it’s like this for other people too … perhaps, because loneliness and boredom have such similar symptoms, it might be easy to confuse the two … and maybe loneliness and boredom are very interconnected and cause people to do things which seem from the outside looking in to be quite desperate and not entirely well balanced … perhaps, sometimes surprisingly the outcome and prescription for dealing with either are similar, but possibly, maybe this is not always the case … I guess depending on what the circumstances are when the feeling first arose … I mean, if I’m with a group of people, I can change the circumstances … do something different within the group or remove myself from the group for a little while to stretch … if I’m on my own, I can possibly find something else to do, or move towards doing something for or with other people … I’m thinking it might be helpful either way to distinguish between the two … maybe sometimes …. ?
Abandonment: Now abandonment is something quite different from any of the other forms of loneliness … abandonment is more like a feeling of being betrayed, hurt, and attacks the core of who I am and causes me to question who or what I can trust. I’m not sure if it is necessarily just loneliness acting out here … there is a bunch of other reactions too, like fear of loss of control, and a massive amount of questioning like what did or didn’t I do to cause this, like what’s going on with this other person? How much of this is me? How much of this is the other? Is there anything I can or should do to improve this situation? Can I do anything to bring this situation to a more healthy level or is it possible that by absenting myself from this situation it will allow the other person time to adjust and come to terms with and heal and also myself time to adjust and come to terms with and heal ? … Will something richer and better for everyone possibly come out at the end of it? Does leaving make it better, to help restore a balance which has been lost or does staying in the situation make for a better long term prognosis … ?
Now Jesus, he doesn’t at first appear to have so much choice in the situation … I mean, he’s going to die on the cross irrespective …. He could call up the angels to protect him, but he’s decided not to. It’s the way he reacts to the situation which is so interesting and different … he doesn’t cling to anyone or anything … it’s almost as though he expects people to behave exactly as it is in their nature to behave … he doesn’t seems to demand loyalty not does he trust that people will necessarily stay loyal to him … it’s like he seems within himself to be separate and disconnected from the drama of what’s going on, but not from the people themselves. It seems his separateness is actually a very good thing … for all of us … It seems that his emotion and anguish comes when he asks God why He has forsaken him … and this is a pivotal moment in time … like things are not going to turn out quite the way he might have, at least on some level, expected or hoped …
Phew! That’s long … but anyway, borrowing Rob’s words, my muse of the day …
April 21, 2012 at 5:30 pm
jaqueline
Brilliant musing Lindsay.
One quick observation….”Does leaving make it better, to help restore a balance which has been lost or does staying in the situation make for a better long term prognosis … ? ” THAT is not abandonment. The desire expressed here is a longing for better connection and that perhaps soem solitude might be of help in relationship. Abandonment is the rejection of connection and rejection of relationship.
April 21, 2012 at 6:34 pm
lindsay
April 21, 2012 at 9:29 pm
lindsay
Yeah, I guess it depends on whether we’re looking at it from the perspective of the abandoner or the abandonee. Sometimes when we dig a little deeper it gets hard to tell the difference …
April 21, 2012 at 10:24 pm
jaqueline
” The desire expressed here is a longing for better connection and that perhaps soem solitude might be of help in relationship.”
it is really important that each party knows that…
make like Arnold..
always make sure you say
” I’ll be back”
April 22, 2012 at 10:25 am
lindsay
.
.
.
Abandonment
Jesus or Arnold.
have the luxury of certainty.
We have the luxury of doubt,
Our future hidden amid shades,
Walking in opposite directions
To our past experience,
We have this moment, now,
Let us be light and enjoy.
Our abandonment,
May it be temporal,
For reasons not always known,
May we wish each other well,
And before the cock crows,
God willing, may we return
April 22, 2012 at 12:24 pm
jaqueline
*like*
April 21, 2012 at 10:48 pm
lindsay
* laughing Arnold …
or Jesus …
April 22, 2012 at 1:26 am
jaqueline
ha ha…yes….!
but JC doesn’t need shades ’cause he is the Light, man…..