When I observe my life, I know there are times when I live in a small dark place of death I call mini-me. There are other times when I occupy a more open, spacious, expansive land.
This other place is sometimes called “true self”, “enlightened being”, “noble self”. I call it spacious-me.
Sadly, it is easier to talk about mini-me than to find words to describe spacious-me. I suppose greater familiarity creates greater ease of communication. The words I use to speak about spacious-me often seem strained and imprecise. But, as inadequate as the description may be, it is worth trying to talk about spacious-me in the hopes that I may be drawn by the description to spend more time living in this wide open, expansive place.
Spacious-me is filled with light and fresh air. He approaches life with openness and welcome, receiving whatever comes as a guest. Spacious-me travels lightly through the world. Things do not stick to him. He is able to put things down, letting them go swiftly and completely without the sulfur smell lingering in the corners of his being.
Spacious-me has nothing to prove, nothing to defend, no point to make in life. Spacious-me does not assess life in measurable quantifiable terms trying to find categories for everything as if naming and labeling will help make sense of the hard parts of life.
Spacious-me does not need to shut anything out because spacious-me experiences himself as strong and secure enough to deal with whatever may arise. It is not that bad things never happen, but when I am living from spacious-me, I know that there is a transcendent force of life and light that will never forsake me and never let me down. Difficult things arise and dissipate, but this transcendent reality remains constant. I know this power that I choose to call “God” has the ability to guide me in the midst of whatever situations in which I may find myself.
In spacious-me I do not need to fix the world, or to change your behaviour. I only need to respond to the reality of life as it presents itself to me with openness and spaciousness. In this spacious place I find the power to respond in a more creative and life-giving way to the pain of my own life and the tragedies of the world.
Spacious-me understands that it is not so much what happens that is important, as how I choose to respond to the things that take place in my life. I seldom have control over my circumstances; but no one can take from me the freedom to choose my response. Depending on my circumstances, my range of choices may be limited, but I am always free to choose to move a tiny bit closer to death, or to open a fraction more to the force of life. I am always free to open and soften. I do not need to withdraw or constrict or build a wall of protection around myself. The only protection I ever need resides inside. It is all an inside job. There is a strength in spacious-me that nothing can destroy.
In spacious-me, I am able to differentiate between the things that are going on outside and the choices I am making on the inside.
Spacious-me breathes easily and encounters life gently. He is adaptable because he has no agendas and does not need the world out there to treat him a certain way. He feels grounded and solid. His feet are firmly planted here in the present moment; he feels the weight of his body and knows deep in his being that he has a legitimate right to occupy space on this earth.
It seems there are fewer triggers that automatically trip me into spacious-me. Spacious-me must be consciously chosen. Mini-me is an unconscious knee-jerk reaction to circumstances he judges unpleasant.
Mini-me wishes he spent more time in spacious-me. But spacious-me does not judge, criticize, or reject mini-me. Spacious-me holds mini-me with tenderness and compassion, understanding that he is a frightened child and that all he really wants is to be loved. When mini-me realizes he is being held by spacious-me, he feels better and sometimes he finds himself waking up in spacious-me.