CAMP COLUMBIA, Thetis Island, B.C. JULY 13-15, 2007
Cynthia Bourgeault

The kingdom of God is the medium we are journeying in.

Bring all of yourself into the heart of the Beloved. The divine love loves all of you, is picking up all the pieces.

You are dying to a self-identity that you don’t need any way. No level mastered or integrated is ever lost. You can still use your ego to function in the world, you just don’t live there anymore.

Live out of the non-choosing effortlessness that comes out of dying to all self-identities.

dying to your own individual lifeforce – let go of your own survival mechanism, the thing that makes you obsessed with wellness. Give up trying to be the author of your own energy, make no psychological effort to save your own skin. Allow your energy to be generated by God.

St. Teresa “When God moves me, I move. When God does not move I sit limp like a wet dishrag.”

Counter-intuitive to egoic consciousness which is a self-feeding mechanism. We need energy – usually it is generated through the EOS, using affirmation/praise. If we derive our energy from affirmation we are in trouble because there will always be rejection and difficulty which then cause us to become depressed (ie. malnourished).

The body and the psyche eventually in old age will not be able to draw affirmation any longer from the things in which you previously found your sense of identity. These things will all let you down; then you are malnourished and lose your sense of identity.

If you have done number 2 well, your self is deeper than physical, mental self-definition – then you can open to the final challenge which is that we do not have to feed ourselves.

There is an energy from an entirely different source and it is exercised in weakness and in boredom. The ability to accept this is the deepest challenge.

We discover a life in complete service of the moments of givenness – a final dying, even to your own energy of affirmation. This allows you to become the pen with which God writes.

From the inside you feel nothing; there is no experience of bliss because every experience requires an experiencer. In the centre it feels like stillness.

Unconsciousness inhabited by conscious consent, creates the fullness of divine consciousness that God yearns for in us. What was made two in order for consciousness to manifest comes back in manifestation.

Journey has three peaks and two valleys:

Peak – purgative – the “two will” stage. Trying to get rid of the false self – understand the true self but still think journey means getting the true picture

Valley – dark night of the soul/psyche – passage from two wills to one

Peak – illuminative – live without reference to egoic self-definition but still think draw energy from own lifeforce

Valley – dark night of spirit – entitlement to draw energy from sense of affirmation goes

Peak – unitive – there is only stillness, exspressing itself as complete transparency of love – Experience/Experiencer dualism has collapsed.

Practice of letting go actually rewires the brain.

When we process stimuli in a bracing position, sends our brain energy down a certain neural pathway into the reptilian brain which is the seat of the fight and flight syndrome which is characterized by stupid repetitive behaviour which cuts us off from our own adaptive intelligence creating a restricted reality.

AA – “the definition of insanity is performing the same action in the same way and expecting a different result.”

Response of letting go sends the energy of the brain into the brain of the heart. The function we call “brain” is in fact distributed throughout the body. Heart is the divine ombudsman within us.

As we learn to open and soften we put ourselves in alignment with intelligence and with the resident reality that manifests through us.