My Lord God, I have no idea where I am going. I do not see the road ahead of me. I cannot know for certain where it will end. Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that I think I am following your will does not mean that I am actually doing so. 89

I envy people who appear to be possessed of robust self-confidence.

He stands there seeming to occupy his particular space on this earth with such self-assurance. He knows why he is here, what he is doing, and where he is headed. He has grand visions and great dreams. Each step of his lies ahead planned with meticulous care and precision. He gazes upon vast horizons. He is the architect of his future, the captain of his ship, the master of all he surveys, the possessor of unlimited possibilities. He knows he will succeed.

I am not that man.

I wander with Merton, often uncertain about the way forward, confused by the people and events of my life. I do not know where I am headed. I am not clear about the best route from here to there; I am not even sure where “there” might be.

I do not know the end of the story or, at times, even the best outcome for which to hope. I put one foot in front of the other. I muddle along. I seek wisdom and guidance just in this moment, knowing that it is beyond my capacity to grasp the grand scheme of things or to see the full map laid out for me to contemplate.

I seek to live as authentically as possible with what little knowledge I possess and to travel faithfully with whatever light is available.

I am deeply aware that the headlights shine only a limited distance down the road as I drive at night. I cannot see around the next bend. I drive in faith.

Like Paul, I “walk by faith, not by sight” (2 Corinthians 5:7). And, for me, that is enough. Even with my limited vision, I choose to continue moving forward along this path that I trust is God’s journey for my life.

What causes me to lose faith in the journey of life?

What helps me continue moving forward putting one foot in front of the other, even when I do not see clearly?

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