Today is the day of betrayal, the day of doubt, confusion and uncertainty.

Today is the day the bonds of love and loyalty are stretched to the breaking point. Today is the day that twists away from truth towards deceit, denial and desperation.

Today is the day of tragic consequences. Inexorable grinding horror is unleashed through doors opened by lies and deceptions that cannot be undone.

Today is the day that the axis of the earth shifts towards violence and anger. Today is the day I betray all that I know to be most beautiful, most holy, true and pure.

Jesus shares a meal with his friends, served with tenderness and compassion.

Taking the role of a humble servant, he washes their feet and declares, “Mandatum novum do vobis ut diligatis invicem sicut dilexi vos” (“A new commandment I give unto you, that you love one another; as I have loved you”)

It is “new” because the one who gives it is the source of the power to fulfill the command he issues.

Today is the day that love leads the way for those with the courage to follow.

But love seems inadequate to the task of these difficult days. His followers want more, so much more. This lowly love and simple service feel insufficient. Their spirits fail.

He asks his friends to sit and watch with him through the dark and lonely hours of night. But they sleep. He is left alone to struggle with the dark forces mounting against him.

We all sleep, lapse into unconsciousness, betray the truth and love we know.

I cannot watch just one hour. I want what I want and am restless in the waiting. Faithfulness is harder than I had ever imagined.

Today is the day they scatter. They cannot bear what they see. The road is rough; the way winds through threatening wilderness terrain. They flee from the vulnerability of love that seems too weak to withstand the encroaching horror. They erect walls against all they cannot bear to see. They seek to hide from the darkness that obscures the dawn.

But, relentlessly, tragedy pursues them. The more I seek to escape the pain, the more pain I create. There is nowhere to hide.

Today is the day I refuse to face my own deep loneliness. I seek to pacify myself with the comforting lie, the appealing distraction, the pointing finger of blame, anything rather than face the truth that feels too overwhelming to bear.

Today is the day I fail to acknowledge the scars of my life that, while unacknowledged, will always wound those I touch.

Today is the day I fail to follow Jesus to the place of honesty and surrender.

Today is the day I resist the current of love that always seeks me. I refuse to bend under the painful instruction love brings. And when I do not align with love, the hard crust forged by self-will, cracks under the pressure of my resistance.

Today is the day darkness creeps across the earth and fear stirs like an enemy in the night.

Too often my choices only deepen the wound in the cosmos. I etch the crooked lines of my hidden suffering into the hard earth upon which my tears will fall.

Today the crack in the world widens into a chasm I see no way to cross.