Tuesday I took my precious laptop into our local highly-recommended computer fix-it store.
The speakers had suddenly stopped working a few weeks ago. It was not a huge deal but seemed worth getting fixed; I was assured it would be in and out within the day.
I called the store later Tuesday to inquire about progress. My laptop was just being put back together; they would call shortly. I phoned again later in the day. They had put my laptop back together and now it would not start. They would have to take it apart and find out what the problem is.
It seems that in the process of disassembling or reassembling my laptop the mother board shorted and it would now have to go back to the manufacturer for repair. I would be without my computer for two weeks.
Two days after my computer fiasco a construction worker arrived from a major firm in town hired by our insurance company to install an exterior door to replace the one smashed when our house was broken into on 16 February. It took a long time for the door to come as it had to be custom-built to fit the available space. The process was slowed down because the first door sent by the manufacturer was damaged in shipment; so a second door had to be sent.
The carpenter carved out the slots to install three hinges on the door and then drilled the first screw in to secure the hinge. As soon as the screw went in he knew it was the wrong door. It was supposed to be a solid wood exterior door. This was a fibre-filled door that would over time warp in the weather.
Life does not work all that well much of the time. Things go wrong. People make mistakes. At other times unavoidable bumps in the road upset the anticipated course of events and no one is really to blame.
If I am expecting things to run smoothly, I am setting myself up for a lot of frustration, aggravation, and pain.
After he had laboured for two and half hours on the wrong door, our carpenter summoned me to help put it back in his van to return to the shop. As we loaded the door his phone rang. As I held the door I heard him say to his boss, “Well, normally the owner would be freaking out; but this guy seems okay.”
I confess, I “freaked out” a little more about my laptop. A basement door has less impact on my life.
But the carpneter’s comment caused me to ponder my response when things go wrong. Who is well served by anyone “freaking out”? Things do go wrong. The only control I have is over how I choose to respond.
I can rail against the disaster of a laptop that has been blown up. I can complain about the incompetence of a shipping company that damages a door in transit or the carelessness of a manufacturer who ships the wrong door. Complaining changes nothing; it only increases my stress in a situation over which I have no control.
Our old boarded up door remains in place in the basement. I am typing this on a massive loaner-laptop and managing my email on webmail. Eventually, our door will be replaced and my laptop will return.
It is unpleasant when things go wrong. But I remain free to choose how I respond to the inevitability that at times, life does not run along smoothly according to my plan.
In A Spacious Place 
4 comments
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April 10, 2015 at 7:36 am
Michael
haha… thank you for uncovering the beauty of everyday life.
This so reminds me of the old joke… “whenever you want to make god laugh, tell her your plans” Thank goodness she is laughing.
April 10, 2015 at 8:42 am
elbie
I like this very much … things happen that I have no control over except in how I might choose to respond … but the thing is, sometimes I might even freak out and throw all my toys out the cot 🙂 It’s been known to happen, maybe not as much as it used to … The thing is, the event, the freaking out, is & never needs to be the last word …
A wise man once told me … if you’re going to freak out, then you’re going to freak out, then tomorrow you might not feel like freaking out … you might see things differently, and then you might find you want to deal with it in a different way … his words have stayed with me all these years. I think it’s because in a way in the ‘act of giving gave me permission to freak out’, he also laid the responsibility for how I respond during life events and afterwards clearly with me … Kinda like, you know what – stuff happens … it’s not the end of everything … you are intimately involved and present in what is going on … and then life carries on … and rather than running away and disassociating … or becoming bitter or festering … you are still involved in every step … It’s kinda like being encouraged to live life more fully, to be engaged with events as they unfold … rather than being encouraged to take a stiff upper lip and disassociate … if that makes any sense?
So, then it becomes a question of what happens next?
Maybe I unleash fireballs of wrath, maybe people get hurt, maybe innocent people get hurt, maybe I make life so difficult and uncomfortable for people, they don’t want to have anything to do with me, if they can possibly avoid it … and if it were possible, I’d (understandably) want to avoid even myself as well … but I can’t.
So maybe I choose to take a step back and suck it up and love instead, to love until my heart breaks and maybe it keeps breaking …. until maybe my heart breaking becomes such a familiar occurrence and not such a big deal …. because tomorrow my heart will heal and we will all heal and we start all over again … and the things which seemed to be such a big deal, aren’t any more … and maybe by deliberately and temporarily stepping outside of and avoiding the fireballs and wrath phases, maybe then there’s less need for reparation … Maybe then it all comes down to what is truly most important to me … is it relationship or is it stuff?
What would be really cool then, is you know the mistakes I make and the mistakes you make … they all fall in the same bucket … they’re all the same to me. Sometimes amazing things come out of the mistakes we make … that we didn’t foresee … and sometimes maybe even the act of reparation is more enlivening and connecting than the initial trigger event and fallout … maybe the initial trigger event is just a call to attention … and maybe if my love for you is paramount … then you won’t feel the need to sweat the small stuff either …
Yeah, I know this probably sounds ideal and like a rose-coloured existence but it’s amazing how far even a little bit of love can go … to make another’s life just that little bit easier …
April 10, 2015 at 11:19 pm
robbarcruisesRob
Yes,, that is life and how we handle it can be a real blessing to another person and your case you overheard a conversation in you did not ruin his day. The carpenter had enough grief on things not going to plan and probably effected the rest of the clients planned that day.
As to the computer… it will be interesting to see if you are charged for the motherboard as was the short about to happen anyways or the grounding wire perhaps was not grounded right. For sure life is tough when we do not have the tools that allow us to be productive, communicate yet life does still continue as we search out alternatives. It also allows others to be of help to you if they know..
Cheers / Rob
October 13, 2015 at 1:04 am
When Things Go Wrong: How to Soothe the Negative Beast | Writing and Wellness
[…] can rail against the disaster of a laptop that has been blown up,” says blogger and Rector Christopher Page after a computer shop not only failed to fix his laptop, but crashed it completely. “Complaining […]